


Joke's On You

by protectginozasquad



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Kuroo you ass, M/M, RIP Kenma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-06
Updated: 2016-10-24
Packaged: 2018-07-21 20:14:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7402279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/protectginozasquad/pseuds/protectginozasquad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As training camp approaches, Kuroo decides that he and Kenma <em>need</em> to play a prank.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I LOVE FAKE DATING! This was prompted to me by an anon on my tumblr, kageyamas-mom. I didn't ship this before but BOY HOWDY I SURE DO NOW.

It wasn’t until Kenma felt Kuroo’s arm slide around his shoulders, warmth radiating from Kuroo’s side as it pressed up against Kenma, that he actually started paying attention to the conversation going on in front of him.

It was an afternoon like any other - practice had ended, and as teammates waited for each other to clean up enough to walk home (“a team that practices together walks home together,” someone said once), some of them relaxed on the gymnasium bench. The bench wasn’t Kenma’s favorite spot to sit - it was hard and cold, but at least it afforded him a space to play his games, usually in peace. 

Today, it seemed, there was going to be no peace. 

“It would be easy to trick them like this, don’t you think?” Kuroo’s voice had a sly note to it, like it did every time he got one of his stupid ideas into his head.

Kenma stiffened and looked up from his game. He could vaguely hear the sound of his character dying, the depressing “Game Over” music playing, but he couldn’t care. 

Why on earth was Kuroo _touching_ him? 

“It would be so easy!” Lev jumped in the air in front of Kenma and Kuroo. 

“What are you doing?” Kenma couldn’t think of any other way to ask. 

Kuroo looked from the grinning Lev to Kenma, a smirk dancing across his face, and gave him a tiny squeeze. Kenma tried very hard to ignore the way his stomach flipped. 

“I’m thinking of how we’re gonna pull a fast one on that nerd Bokuto we are playing against soon during training camp. Haven’t you been listening? Lev and I have been brainstorming for ten minutes. After some deep thought and consideration, however, we’ve come up with the perfect plan,” the smirk widened. “We’re gonna convince Bokuto - and by extension that lame second year with no sense of humor, Akaashi - that you and I are dating.” 

Kenma tried not to show the way his heart had obviously frozen inside of his chest, how it was never going to start beating again, how he was positively, absolutely doomed, about to die of a heart attack, in fact. 

“Why would we do that?” There was a bit of a bite to it, but that was nothing unusual. Kenma often scowled in disapproval at Kuroo’s antics. 

He wanted to be angry at Kuroo for making fun of something that Kenma so desperately wished was true, but it wasn’t exactly Kuroo’s fault. It’s not like he would know what this would do to Kenma. 

Kenma always had been bad with words. How was he supposed to tell his best friend how he felt? He didn’t even know exactly how he felt, only that Kuroo’s arm around his shoulders was exactly what he wanted, from now on, but it was a prank, a joke, like all of Kuroo’s stupid jokes before. Kuroo would never actually want something like this. 

Lev’s over-enthusiastic voice piped up, “Come on, Kenma, we’d obviously do it because it would be funny!” 

Kenma picked his game up again and tried for indifference. 

“I don’t understand what would be funny about that,” Kenma said in what he hoped was a bored voice.

His game wasn’t nearly distracting enough, and even from his periphery he could see Kuroo’s grin, the one that always caught his eye from across the classroom or practice gym. Kenma had been sneaking glances at that smile for longer than he cared to admit. His stomach did another painful twist. 

“It would be funny because they would _never_ believe that we would date.” 

Ah, thought Kenma, of course. Because we never would. 

“Why would Bokuto care about something like that?” 

Kuroo rolled his eyes. “You just don’t understand, Kenma. Come on, it’ll be fun. What’s the worst that could happen?” 

Kenma almost laughed. The worst that could happen? Kenma could get a chance to fall into this pit of whatever these feelings were even deeper than he already was, and never return and be able to function as Kuroo’s friend again. He could lose his best friend, that’s what could happen. 

But Kenma was weak. 

“Okay,” he said, even managing a small smile. Kuroo still had his arm around Kenma’s shoulder, and Kenma couldn’t deny how very much he wanted it to stay there. 

Maybe it was wrong of him, to use this opportunity for his own selfish reasons, but if Kuroo wanted to be stupid, well, it couldn’t be too wrong of Kenma to find a sliver of happiness, if only for a little while. 

+++

[05:32 Kenma]: Shoyo are you at practice  
[05:34 Kenma]: I understand if you are busy  
[05:34 Kenma]: when you get a chance hmu  
[05:40 Shoyo]: Kageyama and I are were fighting to see who would finish cleaning up all the volleyballs faster  
[05:40 Shoyo]: We’re done. I won! :D  
[05:41 Kenma]: I’m dying  
[05:41 Shoyo]: YOU’RE WHAT  
[05:42 Kenma]: not like, dying dying, just dying  
[05:42 Shoyo]: ????!!!!!!!! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN  
[05:44 Kenma]: …  
[05:46 Shoyo]: WHAT IS GOING ON  
[05:47 Kenma]: ok it’s about Kuroo  
[05:48 Shoyo]: what did that creepy asshole do this time  
[05:49 Kenma]: he’s not creepy  
[05:50 Shoyo]: um excuse me have you seen his face  
[05:59 Shoyo]: um did I offend you why did you stop talking to me  
[06:01 Kenma]: it’s really bad Shoyo  
[06:01 Shoyo]: WHAT’S BAD  
[06:02 Kenma]: you promise not to tell anyone  
[06:02 Shoyo]: I’m the BEST secret keeper! 

Kenma couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow. He flopped back on his bed and kept typing anyway. Shoyo probably was telling the truth. 

[06:04 Kenma]: I’m not sure how to explain it  
[06:04 Kenma]: but I’ve known Kuroo for so long  
[06:05 Kenma]: sorry I’m sending a lot of messages  
[06:05 Shoyo]: don’t be sorry!  
[06:06 Kenma]: ok and I always like being around Kuroo? Like always  
[06:06 Kenma]: and I don’t know how you’re supposed to feel about your best friend  
[06:07 Kenma]: but something tells me that this isn’t normal  
[06:08 Shoyo]: ...you like Kuroo?  
[06:08 Kenma]: maybe  
[06:08 Kenma]: it’s terrible  
[06:08 Shoyo]: he’s your best friend! It’s okay! what’s the big problem?  
[06:08 Kenma]: WHAT’S THE BIG PROBLEM  
[06:09 Kenma]: THE BIG PROBLEM IS I CAN’T TELL HIM BUT NOW HE WANTS TO PRETEND TO DATE ME  
[06:10 Shoyo]: pretend to date you?  
[06:11 Kenma]: apparently we’re playing a trick on Bokuto at training camp  
[06:11 Shoyo]: oh… that’s, weird?  
[06:11 Kenma]: IKR  
[06:12 Shoyo]: sorry if this is too obvious but… maybe you should just tell him?  
[06:12 Kenma]: NOT AN OPTION  
[06:12 Shoyo]: wow Kenma I’ve never seen you use caps lock before  
[06:12 Kenma]: I’m distraught  
[06:13 Shoyo]: I’m sorry  
[06:13 Kenma]: thanks  
[06:13 Kenma]: I have to go for dinner  
[06:14 Kenma]: thanks for listening, sorry for caps locking  
[06:14 Shoyo]: I LOVE CAPS LOCK DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT  
[06:14 Shoyo]: you’re welcome. Talk later?  
[06:14 Kenma]: ok. You’re a good friend  
[06:15 Shoyo]: <3

+++ 

Kenma did not think he was going to be able to sleep at all. 

As he lay awake, adjusting a readjusting his blankets, he couldn’t help but have visions of what it would be like to act like Kuroo’s boyfriend - after all, he was going to have to pretend. Maybe he could try to enjoy this, forget how much it would hurt when it was over, when Kuroo had had his fun and grown bored. 

Kenma indulged the butterflies in his stomach as he remembered how warm Kuroo was against his side earlier that afternoon. He wondered what it would feel like for Kuroo’s fingers to lace with Kenma’s own, whether holding hands gets uncomfortable after a while, what it would be like to get to look at Kuroo’s smile without having to sneak. 

It was stupid, to entertain such impossible ideas. 

When he finally did sleep, it was restless. Kenma woke every few hours, Kuroo’s laugh ringing in his ears, Kuroo’s smile all Kenma could think about.

This was going to kill him. He was sure of it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo is freaking out just as badly as Kenma, no one worry. Some texting and a frustrated Daichi. I'm going to be alternating POVs between Kuroo and Kenma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey look, i didn't abandon this

Kuroo was insane. He was actually, totally, completely fucking insane. 

What was he thinking? Pulling a stupid stunt like this? 

Buried not-so-deeply in Kuroo’s heart was a well of affection for his setter best friend, a pool of emotions that he was trying hard (and failing) not to wade into. The ignoring-his-feelings thing had been going pretty well, Kuroo thought, congratulating himself time after time for his ability to ignore Kenma’s little laugh or the way Kenma’s eyes lit up subtly. Kuroo wondered if anyone else noticing these things about Kenma. In a way, he hoped not. 

He had been so good at ignoring the fact that he was probably in love. 

But then Lev got him talking about playing a prank and it seemed like a perfect opportunity and god what an ass he was, opening his big mouth and saying stupid things. The prospect of actually being able to loop his arm around Kenma’s shoulder, to maybe interlace their fingers was too much for Kuroo, so he said something stupid. 

[07:20 Kuroo] Sawamura I could really use some help  
[07:22 Kuroo] Not that I like, need it or anything  
[07:30 Kuroo] It would just be… helpful 

Tossing his phone off to the side of his bed, Kuroo laid back against his pillows and let out a sigh of frustration. At himself, course. 

[07:49 Daichi] Oh dear, you sound desperate. Please elaborate on what disaster you’ve gotten yourself into this time

Kuroo snatched his phone up. There was no time to waste. 

[07:50 Kuroo] Real kind, Sawamura. You’re a real pal  
[07:51 Daichi] Anything for you. But seriously, what is it?

Kuroo took a deep breath. He felt like he was about to start a long out-loud confession, not type out his problem to a close friend. 

[07:52 Kuroo] Remember before you and Sugawara got together?  
[07:52 Daichi] Oh yes, the dark ages where I was a total moron? All too well  
[07:53 Kuroo] :P you aren’t a moron, Sawamura  
[07:53 Daichi] Not anymore anyway. But yes, I do remember  
[07:54 Kuroo] So… I might have a similar situation on my hands  
[07:54 Daichi] Oh thank god

Kuroo felt his face heat up. No way. 

[07:55 Kuroo] ??????  
[07:55 Daichi] :)  
[07:55 Daichi] Please continue  
[07:56 Kuroo] Stop with the cryptic messages, what the fuck are you on about  
[07:56 Daichi] :) :) :) :)  
[07:57 Kuroo] Ok it’s about Kenma  
[07:58 Daichi] Suga says he’s happy for you  
[07:58 Kuroo] happy for me????? ABOUT WHAT  
[07:59 Daichi] You two are finally together then? 

Kuroo felt like he was going to have a heart attack. “Finally together”? “Already”? Had he truly been that obvious? Kuroo pointedly ignored Sawamura for all of ten minutes. Sawamura was the next to text. 

[08:09 Daichi] Ok well I’ll take your resounding silence as a no  
[08:10 Daichi] I’m sorry I teased, tell me what happened

Begrudgingly, Kuroo began typing again. 

[08:11 Kuroo] I fucked up  
[08:11 Daichi] I’m going to need more than that to help you  
[08:11 Kuroo] I asked him to date me  
[08:11 Daichi] He turned you down?!  
[08:12 Kuroo] Wait for it…  
[08:12 Kuroo] As a joke

Sawamura didn’t even start typing for another three minutes. It was torturous. Kuroo needed some semblance of validation. 

[08:15 Daichi] Wow  
[08:15 Kuroo] Wow???? THATS ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY  
[08:16 Daichi] It’s incredible  
[08:16 Kuroo] ?????  
[08:16 Daichi] Only you could get your actual crush to go out with you, but not for real  
[08:17 Kuroo] I’m done with this conversation  
[08:17 Daichi] Okay, okay, I’ll lay off. Let’s figure out what you’re going to do  
[08:18 Kuroo] Yeah, what AM I going to do?  
[08:18 Daichi] Well, you’re going to tell him that you want it to be for real, of course

That was not at all what Kuroo had envisioned as the solution 

[08:19 Kuroo] Are you insane  
[08:19 Daichi] Actually, my psychological health is far above average for a high schooler  
[08:20 Kuroo] Ugh, you’re so annoying  
[08:20 Daichi] Do you remember what I told you my biggest regret about what happened with Suga and me was?

Kuroo did not like this.

[08:21 Kuroo] Refresh my memory

His memory didn’t need refreshing. He knew. 

[08:24 Daichi] I’m sure you remember, you’re just being difficult. It’s that I wished I had told Suga how I felt earlier. That I wished I hadn’t spent all that time pining and waiting around and dissecting every single interaction. How it felt so good to get it out into the open and you know what? I found out that Suga felt the same way. So trust me when I say you need to just get over it and tell Kenma how you feel

Kuroo read the text three times before even beginning to think of a response. No, he couldn’t do what Daichi had done, he decided. Daichi was actually a good guy, with actual guts and a spine. Not Kuroo. 

[08:30 Kuroo] So what you’re saying is I should just go about everything normally and act like my usual idiotic self, fall more in love with Kenma by pretending to like him (while not pretending), and then go back to normal and have to pretend my heart isn’t shattered? Awesome, good talk  
[08:31 Daichi] THATS NOT WHAT I SAID AT ALL

Kuroo tossed his phone away again. It buzzed several times, but he ignored it. Why had he asked Daichi anyway? 

Probably because he needed to get it out, after so long. After all this time, keeping it inside of himself, giving the news to his wonderful but faraway friend in Miyagi, he could maybe let a piece of it go. 

Maybe this charade with Kenma actually would be fun and not heartbreaking. 

Then Kuroo thought of Kenma’s tiny smile at his proposition earlier that day, and his heart seemed to sink within him. 

No, it was not going to be fun. It was going to be heartbreaking. 

+++ 

Somewhere far away, Sawamura Daichi was fuming. 

“Goddammit, Kuroo!” 

Suga put a soothing hand on his boyfriend’s back. “You’ve got to let him do it in his own time. Just like you, right?” 

Daichi rolled his eyes, but let Suga kiss him. He hoped this kind of thing was what awaited Kuroo in the future. 

He also really hated when Kuroo asked for his advice and then promptly ignored it. Which is exactly what Kuroo was doing.

**Author's Note:**

> Isn't Hinata the cutest little friend????


End file.
